Life on Yavin IV: A Year End Thank You

Life on Yavin IV

Hello there. I'm Jedi Knight G. Since the creation of the New Jedi Order by Master Skywalker, the Jedi have been free to take part in previously forbidden activities. One of those being Marriage. The following are the tales of my experiences being married with children. May the force be with you...G.

12.28.2005

A Year End Thank You

I got this email from a friend...It's the best FWD EVER!

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to everyone for taking the time
and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank
you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue
on envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I
need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because
of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
angels looking out for me.

I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an
e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least
144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked
case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I
know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician Smile & have a Great Day.

posted by G. @ 4:36 PM

2 Comments:

At 4:43 PM, Doug Bagley said…

Oh man, that is just too funny! I can so relate to the humorous point
you made, LOL. It's one of those posts that you read and say to yourself, "dang, I wish I'd written that."
Thanks for the laugh.
At 8:09 PM, Cara said…

Oh my gah!! I'm so with you on that one!! LOL!!!!

But, because of you.... I don't even enter the emails anymore unless it has something really interesting in the subject box or says "none"... Then I know that someone has taken the time to write something interesting!! Instead of some type of bull, just like your talking about!! lol I love you man!!