Life on Yavin IV: State Fair (aka redneck round-up)

Life on Yavin IV

Hello there. I'm Jedi Knight G. Since the creation of the New Jedi Order by Master Skywalker, the Jedi have been free to take part in previously forbidden activities. One of those being Marriage. The following are the tales of my experiences being married with children. May the force be with you...G.

10.16.2005

State Fair (aka redneck round-up)

Well with the kids safely tucked away at Ninny's; Jenn & I decided to go to the State Fair and check it out. I had been once before when I was maybe 10 or 12. I still remember various rides and things, but it was more like one of those childhood memories that turn out to be more fiction than fact. OK maybe that's not correct, but things you remember as a kid don't seem as spectacular through adult eyes. Jenn had never been. So there you go. There's your backdrop. Two 30something parents with limited knowledge of State Fairs and no kids head off for some FUN!

In the previous post "Kashmir" my cousin Nicole said that I have a song for every event in my life. Well, she's not wrong and here's the first song I thought of when I entered in the Fairgrounds...."EWWWWWW THAT SMELL. CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT SMELL." Lynard Skynard's "That Smell" for those of you that don't know. Man that was worse than the potty episode I wrote earlier. Now on their own those various treats & snacks may smell fine, but put them all together along with the dirt, hay, barn animals and over abundance of B.O. and you've got a WMD that would make Saddum Hussien's look like a water pistol.
Jenn & I both felt our eyes watering a bit...that's why I thought I had missread a sign on one of those gut wagons...err...I mean food vendures. I thought it said deep fried oreos, but that couldn't be right. Could it?

DEEP FRIED OREOS! Have you people lost your minds! Last year it was Deep Fried Twinkies...now it's Oreos. We're not satistfied with the multiple ways of killing ourselves so we just continue to invent more. Man! I want to know who started this. I have my ideas. Some backyard barbeque near the river and behind the trailer with bubba joe bob and earl (that's only 2 people - not 4) "Well earl, we've got fis', chick'n, hus'pups', squirrel, deer, coon, hog, som'fin I found on the road and taters in the deep fri'r. We gots room fer one more thing. Gotanyidears?" "Hum let me look in the trailer." Bubby joe bob walks to the trailer..."Nope! All weez got left is a half bag of Oreos." "That'll work. Throw'em in." And somewhere in a highend subdivision, a cardiac surgeon is planning his next vacation to Europe in his new Yacht with all the money he's making.

Ok well, that's enough about the food. Now let's get to the rides.

ohmmm. well. Did I metion we were in our 30's. There was nothing that even remotely caught my interest. Mind you Jenn and I lived in Orlando for 6 years. The theme park capital of the world. An adreneline junkie paradise. So we're scanning the various rides and some of them looked interesting, but nothing that I wanted to pay for. Now if we were kids....ow man we would've had a ball. All kinds of cool stuff. But my level of thrill rides had been raised from my previous stay in Orlando and none of these things meet the bar. What kind of ride do I want? you ask. I want a ride that requires you to leave the contact info of your next of kin before you get on. I want a ride that comes with a courtesy pair of underwear. I want a ride that requires you to be legally insane before they let you on. I want a ride that doubles as a stomach pump. That's the kind of ride I want. Needless to say. I didn't ride anything. Don't even get me started with how much they wanted for a ticket for the rides. Talk about price gouging.

There were also cops patrolling the fair on horseback. You know there's a high concentration of rednecks when the po-po calls in its horse squad. Because you turn the bluelights on a redneck and he'll take his shirt off (helps him run faster - aerodynamics) and haul. You'll never catch'em. But you give chase on a horse and you'll get'em ever time. "Whew, That's a mighty fine animal you got'there, but I think his shoe's loose on his left side and your over compensating on the range when you turn right." "Well thanks. Now put your hands behind your head."

Well that's my trip to the state fair. I won't tell you about the 4ft Man Eating Chicken. That's another post. Jenn and I left and went to the Looney Bin. No it's a comedy house wise guy. The first and last comedians were funny. The second guy seemed liked he was nervous. Anyway, we plan on going back to the fair, but not until the kids are old enough to really enjoy it. Then we'll have a great time watching them have fun on all those cool rides.

Laters - G

posted by G. @ 9:46 AM

2 Comments:

At 10:56 AM, Cara said…

mmmm, what about the funnel cakes... I know our whole family is reeking of cholesterol... that's why I like em!!!! That's the whole reason I go to the Armadillo Festival.... The Funnel Cakes, plastered with powdered sugar...mmmmmm!
At 11:02 AM, Cara said…

They should change the name from The State Fair to The State Redneck Round up... That does have a ring to it!! lol